A Personal Inventory of Sorts...

I have heard it said repeatedly that even positive experiences can be a source of stress. Weddings, graduations, anniversaries, family reunions, getting a new job, moving to a new home, committing to a new relationship, walking a new path...with the excitement comes a shift...an unbalancing...especially if not processed adequately. So here I am processing in emotional segments, written images and visual memories.

For the first time in...forever...I have opened my mind to new possibilities, making changes, taking risks, moving beyond my carefully constructed and maintained comfort zone.

In the excitement, I find myself making lists of necessary tasks, setting goals and moving forward one step at a time. In the past weeks I have been sorting household items, recycling, eliminating dead wood, thinning out. I have decided that this process, while valid, is emotionally invasive. I do have true faith in the prosperity principle which is based on the potlatch practice of aboriginal people. This ancient principle states that the movement, the clearing out of material objects prompts a spiritual opening where the material gifts given, magnify and return to the giver in the form of spiritual/emotional blessings. It also helps to lighten the physical load while turning the eye towards a focus on those things with eternal significance. What I have found though, is that there is an uncomfortable place here in the middle of this process. Sorting through memory laden "stuff," trying to decide what to keep and what can be discarded is a little like trying to decide which parts of my past life are no longer important to me. If I choose to recycle the object, am I admitting that the experience no longer holds value? After much thought and soulful consideration, I have come to a decision about many of the material items in my possession. The answer came to me when I realized that the emotional angst prompted by this experiment is evidence enough of my lasting attachment. Numbered among the list of previously cherished items: baby clothes, books, water damaged pictures, my wedding dress, every picture ever drawn by my child's hand, the first quilt my mother made me, my maternity clothes, etc. are a few things that I cannot part with. But mostly, the warm internal touch of the memories is all that I need. And in this process...with the warm internal touch of the memories comes the healing necessary to enable me to walk forth, to find, and to do the next right thing.